Just One Second
by De-gnome
Summary: Prompt: Kirk and part/most/all of the crew thinks he's with Spock. Spock says or does something with the belief that he is not emotionally attached to anyone. Jim is devastated.


_**Firstly:** I don't own Star Trek, nor ever will.  
**Secondly:** I wrote this for LJ, where I could use strikethrough. During Spock's POV, I am forced to use ''_[_'' and ''_]_'' to show what is supposed to be written in strikethrough.  
**Thirdly:** Enjoy, and tell me what you think!_

* * *

**Part 1**

Jim had been with plenty of women and quite a few men. For years sex was just that. Sex.

Then he was stranded on some Hoth-like planet and a Vulcan performed a meld on him.

He saw what the future held, or could hold, and he wanted it. What shocked Jim the most was _what_ he wanted. Sure he liked the idea of being Captain, exploring space, finding new life but what Jim wanted most of all was that feeling. That feeling that his former self knew so well. That feeling of being cared for, protected, _loved_ by his First Officer.

So Jim forgave Spock for marooning him, he forgave him for the academic hearing. Instead, he asked him to join him on the _Enterprise_. He never revealed, even to Bones, the relief that he felt when Spock entered the bridge volunteering himself as First Officer.

* * * * *

Unlike most of his seductions, Jim decided this should be subtle and slow, in honour of the Vulcan he was courting.

So he privately researched his Vulcan. After many months of simple, business related interactions on the bridge, meeting room, Jim finally gained the courage to as Spock for a game of chess. When Spock consented, it was all Jim could do to not break out into a celebratory dance right there. Instead he led his Vulcan to the rec room and set up the board.

More months pass. They have moved their now nightly (and Jim can't help but be smug about that) chess games to one of their quarters.

Everything is going along brilliantly and Jim is seriously thinking of asking Spock to bond with him. Years ago he would have run screaming for the hills when the thought of commitment appeared. Now, after a few years with Spock, it just seems like the thing to do, the next step, dare he say it, the logical step. Pondering this Jim entered the rec room. And stopped.

There sat Spock, his Spock playing their game with another crewmember. He would be able to recognize the crewmember, but at this moment all Jim could see was Spock. Because he was no longer _his_ Spock. He was not longer_his_ anything.

He must have made a sound because Spock looked up. The glimmer of happiness Jim could see sparkling in those supposed stoic eyes was too much. He fled. Unable to see properly through his tears, he knocked into a few people on the way to his quarters. Unable to open his mouth for fear of showing properly how shattered and broken down he was, Jim just kept moving, with only the thought that he should get to his quarters before the dam broke and the floods of tears began.

He barely made it. He collapsed on his way to the bed, instead sliding to the floor, knees tucked under his chin, Jim began to sob, mourning the loss of the one he loved.

All these months, all these years of trying to court him, trying to be the man Spock would want, the man Spock deserved, wasted.

* * *

**Part 2**

When the Captain entered the rec room Spock was playing a game with Ensign O'Farrell. He was a decent player by most standards, but after playing with Jim, the Ensign was hardly competition.

So when he heard the captain, he looked up, [pleased to] see him. But as soon as he looked at him he stilled. Jim's was white, his eyes were wet with unshed tears, and his mouth, usually smiling or smirking, was turned downwards. Spock's thoughts [changed from pleasure to fear as he] catalogued the Captains expression. He was about to rise to question the reason for his captain's obvious emotions, when he disappeared form the doorway.

Confused at the Captain's antics, he turned to the crewman, "I must apologise ensign, but it seems I must see the Capt –"

He did not finish his sentence as Lieutenant Uhura (Months ago Spock had concluded it would be unwise to continue to call her Nyota after their relationship had ceased being intimate) stormed in. (Stormed in would fit her posture, stride and stomping boots as well as her furious expression). Behind her entered Ensign Chekov and Lieutenant Scott, also wearing interesting expressions. The Lieutenant was angry, but Ensign Chekov's eyes, mouth and stance radiated sadness.

The two men stayed where they were, so Spock ignored them and transferred his attention to Lt Uhura, who was currently striding towards him.

_SMACK! _

So unexpected was the action, and so illogical (from a normally incredibly logical person) that Spock was unprepared, and did not defend himself, allowing the slap to land directly onto his face.

"Please explain the reason behind your assault of a senior officer." He asked her calmly, ignoring the pain radiating from his cheek.

"I am not a Starfleet personnel. At this moment I am just Nyota Uhura, defending my friend." She told him coldly.

Spock raised an eyebrow before replying, "I do not understand."

"You do not understand? Well let me tell you something." He had not noticed the ensign's approach, but now turned toward him. "I used to look up to you. I used to respect you. More than anyone. More than the Keptin. No more. Not after this." During the last sentence the Ensign waved his hand in a manner supposedly indicating toward the chessboard, and where Ensign O'Farrell had been sitting. "Not after what you did to the Keptin."

"What did I do?" Spock asked, still confused. "I looked up to see the Captain is a state of some distress but before I could get up to inquire what had caused him to enter this state, he left the room. That was almost immediately followed by your entrance."

"You broke his heart lad. As simple as that."

Spock froze for a moment [scared for what he might have done] shocked, "Please explain your statement Lieutenant."

The Lieutenant made what Spock took as a frustrated noise and obeyed his command, "The chess, to the both of you has been your way of courting or hadn't you realised?" The Scot answered, the last part in what Spock registered as sarcasm.

Some of the surprise must have registered on his face, because Lt Uhura quickly said, voice full of wonderment "You _didn't_ realize."

"Lieutenants. Ensign. I believe you are mistaken. The Captain and I partake in chess as a way to pass the time."

"Time in which Jim told you about himself, didn't he?"

Spock swiveled to face the doctor who had just entered, "Dr McCoy I fail to see what –"

"Of course you do." The doctor spat out, emanating more than his usual hostility towards Spock. "Jim hardly ever tells _me_ about his childhood, or anything before I met him, and I am his _best friend_. I've known him for years," He tells Spock this as though it should mean something, but it does not. He needs more information.

"You need more data, you emotionless computer?" The doctor continues, "How about Jim, the usually stoic, to proud to cry in front to f his _friends_ Jim Kirk, crying on his way through the ship, before locking himself in his quarter to cry too loudly it can be heard _through the locked steel door_?"

That is incredibly [upsetting] disturbing, for the Doctor was correct. Jim is not one to show what he considers weaknesses in front of anybody on a normal occasion.

"Spock." Lt Uhura's voice was no longer full of contempt. It was now soft, "The Captain loves you. He has shown it through his spending all possible downtime with you and eating with you. I mean he even turned vegetarian for you! And when was the last time he picked up somebody? He wouldn't because he loves you. An then this week." She paused to collect herself, "This week he asked me about bonding. About how Vulcan's marry, and what it entails. He loves you, wants to marry you, but instead sees you courting some random crewman!"

"I do not understand. Why did he not inform me of this?" Spock could no explain away the feelings [of terror and guilt] that was slowly overpowering him. All he knew was he had to get to the Captain, and tell him. "Tell him what?"

It was Lieutenant Scott who finally answered the question, "That you love him. That you can't love him. That you are his friend. Whatever you want to tell him lad. But be gentle."

As he made his way to the exit the doctor stood in his way, "And Spock, senior officer or not, Vulcan strength and speed or not, you hurt Jim any more than you already have, I will kill you."

* * *

**Part 3**

He did not know how long he had been here. All he knew was he did not want to get up anytime soon.

And he wouldn't have if his vision had not been suddenly filled with black. He was unable to tell the shape of the black 'blob' though the wall of tears.

Blinking, he tried to clear his vision. It was almost impossible, for as soon as he would blink away some tears, more would fill their space.

Finally he managed to clear his vision enough to realize that the black shape he was seeing was in fact, trousers. Tipping his head back, he took in the blue shirt and finally the face of the person standing in front of him.

This time his blinking was is shock.

Oh. Spock. _Shit._

Spock finally reached the Captain's quarters. As the doctor had reported, they were indeed locked.

He immediately began to attempt to override the lock. Through the door, the sound of Jim crying filtered through to Sock's sensitive ears. Unlike when the doctor had attempted to gain entry, it was not loud enough for human's to hear, but it [tore at his heart] concerned him nonetheless.

Whilst Spock always maintained that Vulcan's do not feel pain, the truth was they do. However from a very young age they were taught the three steps for dealing with pain. The first was to acknowledge the pain, followed by identifying it, before compartmentalizing the pain.

Currently, Spock was attempting to identify the emanating from his thoracix area. Was it his liver? No. Spock had managed to deduce that without compartmentalizing this pain this he would be unable to offer comfort to his Captain. The only problem was Spock could not identify the pain he was currently experiencing.

He was still trying to discover where exactly the pain had originated from when he realized there were two eyes staring up at him.

Spock's eyes swept over the human. He was sitting on the floor, his back to the wall. His uniform was crumpled, and his hair was a mess. Worst of all was the tears – glistening trails running down the Captain's face. Spock thought they would have looked beautiful [if they hadn't been so heart wrenching] in a different context.

Spock took a breath and spoke, "Jim."

"Don't."

"Jim?" Spock was, once again, confused.

"Don't call me that, in that voice. Not if… not if you…" The Captain's voice broke.

"I have only just recently become aware of the fact that we are in a romantic relationship." At the Captain's disbelieving look, Spock continued, "After you left the recreation room, I was stopped from following you by Lieutenants Uhura and Scott, Ensign Chekov and Doctor McCoy. They informed me that our chess games were in fact our 'courting ritual'?" The last part was spoken as a question.

The Captain sniffed, "And therein lies the problem. I put my heart and soul into this, and then in the space of just one second I find out," the Captain's voice was shaking so badly, that even with his sensitive hearing, Spock was struggling to make out the words, "I find out, you didn't care, hell you didn't even know!" He began sobbing again.

Spock was at a loss. He did not know how to comfort the Captain. An image flashed through his mind. His mother hugging him, whilst she told him she loved him. So he crouched down and placed his arms around the captain.

Every place their bodies touched became a conduit of emotions from the human. _painhurtloveSpockallfornothingpainwastedyearshurtloveSpockpain_ The flow of images and emotion stopped when Jim jerked out of his arms. Taking into account the Captain's independent nature, Spock thought it would be prudent to try again, once more wrapping his arms around the human.

_Spockpainlovepainwhyisitalwaysmetheydesertpainhope_ Avoiding the rest of the myriad of feelings, Spock focused on the new emotion. Hope. Hope for what? He decided to put the thought aside for the moment as he held his sobbing Captain.

By the time his sobs had subsided, Spock had managed to put up some mental barrier between the two of them and Jim was leaning into the embrace. He stayed in the Spock's arms for a few more moments, sniffing.

Finally Spock broke the silence, "I had not previously been aware of this arrangement we had, that we had been in a romantic relationship." Jim tensed at these words, so Spock droped his shields and listened into Jthe Captain's emotions, _wanttoknowhopedontwanttoknowfearwhatifhehatesmeteriffied_,

"I would never hate you!" he told the Captain [outraged] strongly.

Calming himself down, Spock tried again, "Although I have only just been made aware of our relationship, I find it …agreeable. If you are not against the situation, I would be amenable to continuing it."

"Huh?" The reply was accompanied by another flood of thoughts _confusedbutwhatdoeshemeanhurtSpockcanttranslateconfusion_

"Jim I mean that I would find a perusing a romantic relationship with you very agreeable." _confusiondoeshemeanithope_

"Yes Jim, I mean it."

_hopepainhappymaybenotallawasteSpockhappy_


End file.
